About 12 years ago, roughly a year after my last kiddo was born, I experienced an excruciating back/hip injury. I had been a runner between my 2nd and 3rd kids, managing to fit in a few half marathons and a marathon while juggling tricky life stuff like infertility, my parent’s divorce and my husband’s long work hours as an investment banker while I was staying home with two littles. Running was my freedom and my mental health care back then so it made perfect sense that I would hop back into training quickly after the birth. I knew nothing about core stability or pelvic floor strength and soon found myself barely able to walk one morning and had to practically be carried to a physical therapist that would see me in an emergency.
Fast forward a dozen years, constant flares and thousands of dollars in PT and I FINALLY found a PT that understands women’s issues and could pinpoint how my problems began and how she could help me fix it. I had hope! Here’s the thing though; my body had spent 12+ years compensating and moving away from pain. The body is really fantastic at doing that, until it isn’t anymore. When I began this last round of PT I had to learn how to stand, sit, walk, exercise and breathe all over again! Yes, breathe! Did you know your pelvic floor muscles need to be engaged to properly take deep breaths? I didn’t.
So here I am, learning to do all these fundamental movements from scratch and my brain and body were MAD and putting up quite the fight. I was working on the TRX doing back exercises and the PT kept correcting how I was flaring my ribs (you shouldn’t) and not pulling my shoulders back (you should) and I almost lost it in a full meltdown. I could hear my brain saying “No f-ing way!” and I was beginning to agree with it. I could just go back to my regular way of walking, sitting, standing, etc. and put up with the money to temporarily correct it with PT every once in a while when it flared up. No problem! This was too much effort.
See where I’m headed here? Our brain has all kinds of compensations for the hurt, trauma, dysfunction, socialization, lack of skills, etc. and those compensations can rear their ugly heads randomly or regularly and probably with our kids and/or in our partnered relationships. Our brains can balk at change unless given consistent, clear instructions to do otherwise. So why not choose to stay disconnected from our mind and body most of the time and just deal with the random discomfort we experience?
We can’t because our brain (and bodies) move us towards healing with consistent and increasingly uncomfortable invitations to change - change the way we think, feel, say and do so we can truly connect to ourselves and others. We are wired for connection and there’s no way around it if you want to live your most purposeful life and lead others (your kids, if you have them) to do the same. I had been dealing with the symptoms of my core instability for over a dozen years but hadn’t dealt with the root of it all - the teeny, tiny, super important inner core muscles and structures that needed a lot more support and strength. With time, effort and a bit of a financial investment in physical therapy, I’m experiencing no pain most of the time and if I feel a twinge of it I know exactly what to do to get my body back on track.
You might be dealing with symptoms too - anxiety, depression, strained relationships, emotional dysregulation, unhappiness, anger, parenting stress and all sorts of things but not working on the root cause. You’re in a constant battle with discomfort because your soul is calling you to stretch your comfort zone in order to do and be what and who you’re meant to.
I want more than anything to help you and with a bit of time, effort and financial investment I can! If you want to get to the root of what keeps you stuck or causes you pain, even if it’s just every once in a while (or ALL the while), then consider taking my upcoming SHIFT: 5 Must-Have Tools In Your Parenting Toolbox course. It’s a live, online course beginning JUNE 1st that will get you and your parenting partner on the same page, will teach valuable social and emotional skills to your kids and we will work on some of your “stuff” while we’re at it. Not a parent or you want to dive deeper into your own “stuff”? Get my course SHIFT: How To Rewire Your Brain For Healing, Growth & Connection where you’ll learn where your bullshit comes from and how to make teeny, tiny shifts in what you think, say and do to create healthier boundaries, more self-compassion, a growth mindset and much more!
Want to know the best part of both of these options? Besides the amazing tried and true hacks I’ve been using with clients, families and myself for years? The office hours! You get to ask me all of your questions in monthly, online office hours and from the comfort of your own home, possibly in your jammies with a glass of wine in one hand and a pen and paper in the other because you’re going to want to take notes. It’s like having a life coach or parenting coach in your back pocket indefinitely!
Can’t wait to see you in my office!
NOTE: This blog post, office hours and anything related to my courses are for educational purposes only. We are not creating a client/therapist relationship in this or any other setting.