I have a new favorite song. It’s such a favorite that I guarantee it’s going to show up as my number one song for my 2023 Spotify Wrapped. : ) The song is Be My Own Boyfriend by Olivia Dean. Now before you stop reading because you think this doesn’t apply to you, just hold on a minute and read the lyrics…I’ll fill you in on why I’m writing about this song after that…

Oh, I can't do this anymore
I don't wanna get involved, no
With all these men I'm so much better than
Maybe it's a little cold
But I think I could play the role 'cause
No one can love me the way I can
Catch me out in Paris on my ones
Stay up dancing 'til the dance is done
I got me, I don't need anyone

Hold me close
Love myself, the most
Lately, I've been just what I need
Stole my heart and I'm gonna be my own boyfriend
Be my own boyfriend
Lately, I've been just what I need
Be my baby, yeah
Gonna be my own boyfriend

Oh, I could save myself the stress
Wear the trousers and the dress, Yeah
Girl, you look so goddamn good tonight
And I say that with my chest
You and me could be the best
I can do whatever, whenever the fuck I want

Be my own boyfriend
Be my own boyfriend
Be my own boyfriend

Ha-ah, ha-ah
Ha-ha-ha, ah, ah-ah
I'm gonna be my own boyfriend
Be my own boyfriend (be my own boyfriend)
Lately, I've been just what I need
Be my baby, yeah
Gonna be my own boyfriend

Songwriters: John Barnabas Greenwell Lister / Jonny Lattimer / Olivia Dean

On one hand, parts of the song celebrates hyper-independence and being “better than” which is not what I’m advocating for. On the other hand, I’ve been partnered for 25+ years and one of the things we’ve learned in that partnership is that in order for “us” to be well, we need to fall in love with and nurture the “me” first and foremost. Here are some reasons to fall in love by dating yourself…

When we are learning to love even our shadowy parts (these parts tend to have the most self-discovery and wisdom though!), we have so much more to contribute to a relationship of any kind.
We get to know ourselves better! We learn what we like and don’t like, what rows our boat and what doesn’t. When we get to know ourselves better we bring that self-awareness to relationships which is essential to healthy connection. We become more capable of teaching others how to be in relationship with us.
We build self-trust. Many of us are healing and growing patterns of avoiding rejection and abandonment at all costs. We can disrupt those patterns by dating ourselves and building trust in our ability to navigate tricky life stuff; stuff that often comes up in relationships. Self-trust is a really grounding feeling. It feels SO GOOD in our bodies. Delicious even.
We experience more joy. We look within to cultivate it versus looking at others to play that role. There are dozens and dozens of opportunities every day to cultivate joy and when we date ourselves we are empowered to do that.

What are ways you’ve fallen in love with yourself date and how do you see that process positively impacting your other relationships?