Before we get into the content around challenging behavior, I have a new offering I’d love for you to share with all the people! I’m offering two evening sessions in October for parents and caregivers of kids! One event focuses on teen mental and emotional health and the other is geared towards elementary and pre-k aged children! They are super affordable at $25 a class and I’d love to see you there!
Last week in the community call we discussed how to navigate challenging behavior - our own as the adults and our kids. Yes, adults have their own misguided behavior and for all humans, it stems from trying to get our needs met and/or being unskilled in some way. A few things to note about misguided behavior:
It has a function, meaning a purpose. Those functions are attention, a tangible, escape and/or sensory (ex. too much sensory input).
If we don’t get underneath the behavior, we will keep seeing it over and over again. I call it playing whack a mole. It just keeps popping up!
We need to develop the social and emotional competencies of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, responsible decision making and relationship building to say and do (that’s what behavior is!) in more connecting, joyful and healthy ways.
Developing these competencies aka relational skills aka wellbeing is life work.
If you are an adult caring for kids in any capacity, it is our responsibility to develop these competencies so we can MODEL and TEACH. Kids learn by observation, repetition and imitation so the modeling aspect of social and emotional learning is essential.
In our community calls, parents share a dilemma, we ask clarifying questions and then we get into brainstorming possibilities for how to navigate whatever issue is presented. We utilize the concept of mutual aid to offer each other curiosity, encouragement and experience. It’s a beautiful thing to witness! Here are some steps you can take as an individual, parent and/or caregiver of kids to become a behavior detective and model and teach a more healthful mental and physical life:
Identify the misguided behavior you’d like to shift (overeating, over shopping, gossiping, tantrumming, hitting, drinking too much, etc.)
Connect that behavior (or symptom) to an unmet need/function of behavior (see above).
Identify any social and emotional skill needing to be developed to meet that need. 9/10 that skill will be using healthier coping strategies to navigate tricky life stuff. This is why a Feel Good Plan is SO important!
Make a plan for helping yourself and/or your child get their needs met through skill building, etc.
Offer yourself and/or your child a lot of compassion. We come by our automatic ways of getting needs met inter-generationally and experientially. That is not our fault! And, it becomes our responsibility to do differently when we become aware of it.
Thank you so much for creating a safe space in the SHIFT community to wrestle with such vulnerable, deeply personal issues. The more we shine light on them, the more we can heal and grow through them!