Human behavior is fascinating and confusing! The more I learn about brains and bodies, the more certain things in the world within me and around me makes sense and also don’t make sense. Wait what? Yeah, it’s not an either or friends. It’s a both/and. The thing is, some of the ways most of us were raised, modeled and socialized to behave aren’t the most relational. In fact, they can be downright disconnecting from ourselves, our kids, friends, partners, anyone, really! So here’s a behavior anyone (including your littles) can practice that is foundational to staying in connection to self and each other - the skill of caring, then repairing. The breakdown:

When one or both of you feel in any way dysregulated for whatever reason, pause and care for your nervous system/s. If you’re a parent, focus on co-regulating (depending upon the age) with your child. That means you model and encourage deep breaths, helpful self-talk (I can calm down, we can calm down) and whatever else you and your child pick from your Feel Good Plans.
- The science behind this is that we are NOT in the part of our brains that allow for problem solving, rational thinking, etc. so any reteaching of expectations, making repairs and staying in connection in whatever situation you’re in is not even possible, depending upon the intensity of the feelings.
Once ALL of you are more regulated; you’ve maybe lowered the intensity of the feelings from a 7 or 8 to a 4 or 5 at least, you can move into making whatever repair is needed. You can visit the Parenting and Cultivating Wellness courses to learn more about the do’s and don’ts of making repairs!

You’ll notice the more you practice pausing and caring for your nervous system/s when you’re feeling elevated, the more ground you can cover in the interaction. Shifting from reactive ways of interacting to responsive ways of interacting, the more likely you are to be nurturing your relationships and showing up in the ways that align with your values.